the perfect blow job: all you ever wanted to know about snot rockets

What

snot rockets are a focused spray of mucus launched from your proboscis when running. think of it blowing your load on the run without a tissue.

Why

you have no Kleenex and your snot is dripping down your face and streaming into your mouth. it’s winter, my snot runs when I do.

How

hold one nostril closed, take a big big breath and push the air through the single open nostril whereby the snot shoots out like a missile. you can do it again on the other side.

Source: passiveaggressivenotes.com via Michelle on Pinterest

Hazard:

always note which way is the wind blowing. 

Source: fuelrunning.com via Liza on Pinterest

Reach:

if you shoot a snot rocket while riding, you have to be especially careful since they can fly a considerable distance. that peloton better be spread out!

Aim:
you should angle your head and nose downwards. if you don't, you could end up shooting yourself in the face. def not a good look. 

Alternatives:

1. snort up the snot good and hard and hawk a giant lugey.

2. wipe it on your glove/mitten – see how much you can pile on before the end of the run. nummy.

andy schleck demonstrating lugey hawking technique

Eco-friendly

with no paper waste, you are choosing an environmentally sustainable option. Be proud.

Chick power

a woman can shoot a snot rocket as well as any man.sure, it’s not sexy – but so what?  no one is sexy spraying mucous. it goes with the territory.

Bragging rights

please make sure you mention snot rockets to non-runners. the grossed out look in response will confirm that you’ve hit the mark and they’ll continue to think all runners are nuts...on the other hand, kids will think you're really cool.

Superior athletic performance

Beware

don’t fire a snot rocket in Singapore. if spitting on the sidewalk there will get you caned, I can only imagine the punishment for spraying snot. 

Words from the wise
some advice and commentary from my twitter friends: 

emily ‏@lunar11

@runnrgrl Practice makes perfect. #snotrockets

RunjpRun ‏@RunjpRun

@runnrgrl @yostef I luv shooting snot rockets on my runs! It’s a guy thing.

Stef with a F ‏@yostef 

@RunjpRun @runnrgrl that is one thing I want to master! I've tried while running but it just flies back on me ;)

Kate ‏@RookieRunner1

@runnrgrl If there's a "how to" guide for me I actually am looking fwd to it. I suck at the snot rocket

Paul Tellier ‏@phtellier2

@runnrgrl it is the most unattractive thing I have ever witnessed. Oddly enough, I have seen some VERY attractive females do it. Bleh...

Detroit Runner ‏@DetroitRunner1

@runnrgrl look behind you first in a crowded race. Haha!

Mike Iseman ‏@HorriblePeanut

@runnrgrl Right index finger plugs Right Nostril. Lean Left. Blow Hard. Left index finger plugs left nostril. Lean Right. Purge. Breathe.

kent @runbikerace ‏@runbikeraceblog

@runnrgrl beats a sleeve full of snot! Just remember after your long runs that you need to go back to Kleenex inside the house!

Two Wheel Traveler ‏@2whltravel

@runnrgrl never into the wind! #snotrockets

Mike Iseman ‏@HorriblePeanut

@runnrgrl oh, and when leaning left/right, also lean forward.#snotrockets

Evan Close ‏@SuburbRunner

@runnrgrl look before you blow

Chris ‏@ChrisHancock11

@runnrgrl If running with others the snot-rocketer must drop back before commencing blow. #PoliteRocket

Mike E. ‏@theBrainrunner

@runnrgrl double shot. First is to purge second is to clean. Breath, then repeat on other side. #snotrockettechniques

Tariq Ali ‏@TariqhAli

@runnrgrl looks like you got plenty of good recommendations. However on the bike, if done right, can be used to get rid of unwanted drafters :)

have some tips? some comments? come on already! share!